Good Night

Maybe I'll write a real blog post in August, which is almost here. Craziness.

More Later

Sailboat rental: $75
Kayak rental: $25
Sailing with Bob: FREE

Today Involved

Go-karts, a 6-mile "bike ride" that mainly consisted of an ice cream cone & cupcake, a concert in the park (The Fray @ Marymoor), crab cakes, drinks at a bar named Vito's that actually had red leather booths and (apparently*) a mosaic of a naked woman in the men's room, dancing at R Place, and pizza at Hot Mama's.

Tomorrow will (hopefully) involve: kayaks.

There are only two more days in post-a-day July.


*according to Luke.

Yes, This Is My Post

and this is Brandi Carlile.

One Thing

Happy Birthday, Laura!

Day Off

The one objective I had for the day was to lose my sunglasses . . . tan, but as I lay in the sun on the beach at Golden Gardens, enjoying the beautiful view of the Olympic range (I don't think the beach/mountain thing is going to ever get old . . .) and eating cupcakes, I realized I could either read a book or just lie there and think thoughts. Did you know that Seattle sells more sunglasses than any other city in the country?

Not Much II

Biking back from trivia tonight, I can see the Space Needle hiding behind Queen Anne Hill. I can only see the top glowing, like an illuminated cupcake.

Cupcake Royale has delicious cupcakes. When I went to the one in West Seattle, we were just killing time while waiting to eat at the best sushi restaurant ever (and can we just point out that their website is www.sushiwhore.com) and so I just got an Italian soda. There's a Cupcake Royale location in Ballard, too, and Ballard is my new favorite place to hang out, so I went there the other day. Now usually I don't get too excited about cupcakes, but these mini-cupcakes were definitely worth the $1 I paid for each of them. Seattle might not have good ice cream and might also be lacking in quality pizza joints, but the baked goods are amazing.

And the library system is awesome, too, but I think I have already mentioned that. I heart libraries.

Not Much

• The harmonica on the last track of Ryan Adams' new album (Easy Tiger) reminds me of Brokeback Mountain.
• At the gas station this evening a middle-aged man sees me get off the duck and says, "I thought girls weren't supposed to drive those things."
• I am too tired to write a blog post about either of these things.

Mount Si

Apparently it is the most hiked trail in Washington, but it wasn't overly crowded today by any means. Not sure if the rain kept the crowds down, or if, having grown up hiking in the Whites, my perception of a crowded mountain is skewed.

"Mount Si is like the Disneyland of Seattle hiking."
"It's a great hike if you don't mind hiking with half of Seattle."
--NWSource review

Nonetheless, it's been a while since I've hiked and it was amazing to be out again. Highlights of the day included scrambling up the "haystack" at the summit and eating at Twede's Diner post-hike, which apparently was the diner they used in the TV show "Twin Peaks," which I've never seen.

Cracker Jacks

The Cracker Jacks' box says "Tastes as good as you remember." For some reason this makes me really sad. Like when I see run-down amusement parks. And I think the combination of sad and Cracker Jacks makes me miss my grandma, too.

I like how MySpace now has a "status update" section where you can choose your mood from a pull-down list. Not that anyone ever looks at my MySpace page, and I think only a very small percentage of my 44 "friends" would actually care whether I was feeling "melancholy" or "nerdy" or "pissed off." But for some reason, I really enjoy filling out surveys and taking multiple choice tests to determine my personality, and this is the same idea. I like having my options artificially narrowed for me, as if by choosing from a set list of adjectives to describe my emotional state, I can actually reduce complex feelings into something more manageable. The options range from "thirsty" to "morose" to "happy" to "quixotic" to "recumbent," but for some reason the list does not include "angsty." I mean, come on, MySpace is not only an outlet for but also a source of teen angst and so I can only imagine that at any given point in time, over 87% of MySpace users are feeling angsty. I choose "nostalgic," which for some reason is represented by a frowny-face emoticon with question marks floating above its head.


I think it's interesting that nostalgia has been so clearly designated as a negative emotion. I also think it's interesting that I need to look up one of the mood choices because I don't know what the word means. So apparently "exanimate" means "inanimate or lifeless." It seems dumb that "inanimate" and "exanimate" are synonyms while "internal" and "external" are antonyms.

Two Things

1) Happy Birthday, Shaw!


2) And this is for Tom.

Ha.

Magic

Last night I went to a bar and this was this old man in a very faded tux with a colorful vest (also faded) doing magic tricks. He made crumpled up dollar bills go through plastic cups and then had a can of Rainier beer appear beneath one of them. Then he did one where he had us all write our names in Sharpie on a card and then he threw the cards on the floor and the one with our names ended up on the ceiling, where it remains. I am still amazed just thinking about this.

(Sidenote (or is that redundant since the fact that it's in parentheses already means it's a parenthetical remark (read: sidenote):"They're illusions, Michael. Tricks are what whores do for money . . . or cocaine." Ahh, Arrested Development. Best show ever.)

Review #2

Fortunately today's blog post has been provided for me, compliments of the fact that I have an employee performance review like every other week. Here's official review #2.

CAPT SPARROW (CELIA)

JULY EVALUATION

TUES 7/17/07 NOON

OVERALL:

Capt Sparrow has a quality tour with energy and humor. She has a comfortable charm and delivers her info with enthusiasm and freshness. Her music technique is smooth and she has added hats and props. The next step, as mentioned before, is a stronger sense of levity and wackiness. This can be done with strongly encouraging passengers to make more noise; sing, clap, cheer at passing Ducks, etc. It’s really the only soft spot in an otherwise strong tour. Progress, however, is being made. Good job.

GOOD STUFF:

Her open speech is energetic, succinct and fun. She sets the tone. Her enthusiasm while talking about POIs is contagious. She had great jokes about Cowgirls, Inc and Seattle’s status as the nation’s leading library card-holders (“yep. We know how to party.”) Excellent music placement. Great Pioneer Square info. She previewed POIs well keeping people’s interest. She has a natural, dry joke delivery. She earned laughs throughout. She’s very likeable.

STUFF TO WORK ON:

Encourage more noise. For example, yelling out Tequila, “cha-ching” for every Starbucks, cheering when passing Ducks, clapping and singing along with more songs, etc. She should add at least three more songs. Recommend on 1^st Ave after Utilikilts to SAM and two or three places on the water where music was lacking. Play Sponge Bob for the kids, plus Love Boat, etc. Lose the unapproved song while approaching water. Remember, the tour is geared for families. Repair or replace the cowboy hat.

ACTION PLAN:

• Make above adjustments right away.
• Pat on the back for improvements thus far.

For all of you wondering, the "unapproved song" was Modest Mouse "Float On," which I love for several reasons. First, Modest Mouse is from Seattle. Second, I play it right before we "float" on the water. Third, it's a quality song unlike, let's say, "Love Shack" or friggin' "Sponge Bob," which is now stuck in my head after just writing it. But according to Dean, "Float On" does not pass the three F test: Family, Familiar, and Fun. And to that I say, I know another word that starts with F . . . yeah. Fuck your F test. But of course I don't say this, because that would decrease my "likeability" score.

And, in conclusion, can I just say, good God, I was pictured on the front page of the Seattle Times wearing a fucking plastic viking hat. I have no shame left. I have reached far beyond what I initially though my "wackiness" potential was, folks. We do not get any wackier unless we have consumed several alcoholic beverages, which would impede the other part of my job-- driving a tank through the narrow hilly streets of downtown Seattle.

Ridiculous: A 2 Part Series

A.
A middle-aged woman disembarking the Duck after my first tour tells me, "You're funny." And then she pauses for a second, makes a weird face, and adds,"Kind of like Ellen Degeneres."

B.
I'm just pulling out of the ticketbooth to take the Duck back to the Nest after my last tour and I'm stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic three cars across at the first stoplight out of the parking lot. I'm attempting to check my voicemail, when I look over to my left and see a couple, probably mid-thirties, in a Jeep. The woman, very blond surfer-looking type, is trying to get my attention and when I look over, she starts talking to me.

"We met your husband in Cabo."

This is probably the most bizarre thing that anyone has said to me. I don't know quite what to do with it.

"Really?" I say. I think that she must be joking, but I have no idea what the joke is.

Now, I wish I had Kate's talent for reconstructing dialogue, because I am definitely not doing this justice, but it went sort of like this:

"You know Candy and Jim, right?"

I think I give her a blank stare. I don't, in fact, know anyone named Candy and/or Jim, and definitely not in that combination.

"Your husband-- his name is Chris?"

"Um, I don't have a husband." I figure it is time to get this out on the table. I've never imagined that I would ever have to spell this out for someone.

Anyway, at this point it gets kind of awkward. I sort of pull ahead in the traffic line, and the woman looks really confused. And she's turning to the guy driving, talking to him, like she can't believe what is happening. Like how can I not be Candy and Jim's friend Chris' wife.

What?

summer night--
"how to haiku" book
rests on bed

Deception Pass

This weekend was the third time I've been there in the past three weeks. Which is sort of ridiculous. But you can see how it could happen.

Camping

So no post tonight. But a campfire. Sweet.

Polo

So it just happened to come up on my first tour today that I was from Manchester-by-the-Sea. At the beginning of every tour I always start out by asking if there's anyone from out of town (and then when almost everyone raises their hands I say with mock surprise, "Wow. Almost the whole Duck. That's exciting. We rarely get tourists on these things so it's always kind of fun when we do.") and then I ask people where they're from. No one had mentioned that they were from Massachusetts. But then by the stadiums when I asked what baseball teams my passengers cheered for (as you can see, I like to make my tour interactive. This mostly backfires, much like it did when I would use the Socractic method exclusively back in the day when I was a pseudo-teacher), I heard "Red Sox" and that lead to a brief back-and-forth when we established we were all from Massachusetts but apparently at the beginning of the tour they had said New Jersey because they were with a group and half of them were from NJ or maybe they moved there recently or something or other. So I'm like, "Oh, I see, you're from MA but you're embarrassed, so you tell people that you're from New Jersey instead." I thought this was a funny thing to say.

Anyway, in the midst of all this, I mentioned that I was from Manchester. After the tour the couple gets off and they look like they could have walked straight off the Manchester Yacht Club launch-- sweater around the neck and all. And the man asks me if I grew up in Manchester and if so, did I know the Littles? When he added that they were "polo people" (which was highly unnecessary because I knew that whether it was polo or yacht club or Essex County club, anyone that this man would claim as a friend was running in one those concurrent circles that in no way intersected with my life, except that I might have washed one of their friend's yachts), I wanted to say, "No, sorry, I don't think I know them. I went to public school."

Can't Punk Out 2 Days in a Row

So I guess I'll have to think of something to write tonight. This hasn't been going as well as I hoped.

Can we just talk about how pretty Vancouver is instead?

No Post Today

I can't think of a single thing to write. [It's too hot.] And now it's tomorrow anyway.

Lists (3-2-1)

Fun facts I've learned from people on my tours
--Palm trees are not actually trees. They are the largest members of the grass family.
--An elephant's tooth weighs more than a bowling ball.
--Mel & Linda got engaged at the Old Spaghetti Factory.

Things people say to me with enough frequency that I really should come up with a witty response
--When I get on the duck, they ask me if I have a ticket.
--"Are you from Canada?"

Other
--The other day one woman couldn't believe that I was too young to have ever seen Love Boat and she asked me how old I was. When I said 25, she looked surprised. I must look older when wearing a child-sized plastic Viking hat.

Vancouver

Some days you don't feel like writing and you are glad that blogging is a multimedia endeavor.

Short Rant

I need a job that makes me want to write when I get home, not shut my mind off completely because I am so sick of my own voice that even hearing thoughts in my head is too annoying. But I have realized that this job is the one that I need to write about because, seriously, I am going to write a book this time because of all the ridiculous jobs* I have had this is by far the most ridiculous and there are so many ridiculous things that happen on a daily basis that it would be a shame to waste the opportunity to write a ridiculous book about the experience. So the motivation behind July post-a-day is to force me to get over this and write when I get home from work, which obviously didn't work today, but I think I just needed to get that out of my system.

*This is what my resume from the past two years looks like: proofreading applied math manuscripts, transporting customers to a sketchy floating restaurant, standing on a college campus with a "VOTE" armband and a clipboard, being a "driver's helper" for UPS, and teaching high school boys how to write essays at a fake school.

Almost Famous

"There is nothing cooler than an ill-fitting plastic viking hat."
-Capt. Quack Sparrow

And now, thanks to a front page article in the Seattle Times today, the world can see.

Showdown

Mr. Chase's House vs. My Current Residence:
Worth paying $75/per month less for the new place? You Decide.


ROUND ONE: Exterior



















ROUND TWO: Welcome . . .






















ROUND THREE: Interior


















FINAL ROUND: Bathroom

7.07: A Post a Day

Keeps the dr. away.

So daily posts in July. This is my goal.

And this is not a blog.

Spellbound

The movie was hilarious-- the kids because they were cute (and heartwarmingly nerdy) and the parents because they were, for the most part, completely crazy. Real people are so funny. Seriously, I laughed out loud a lot more than I thought I would watching a documentary about spelling bee contestants.

And for those of you wondering about the unrelated but identically titled book I am also reading, an interesting fact. You know when they use "ye" instead of "the" as in "Ye Olde Candy Shoppe" or a Seattle favorite "Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe" (an interesting mix of tacky souvenirs and shrunken heads)? [The sad part, given that this is a post about spelling, is that I just tried about 17 different combinations of e's and i's before I finally got rid of the red line under souvenirs.] Well, it's actually supposed to still be pronounced "th" and not "y," as "ye" was ye olde second person. In fact, it came from a symbol (called "the thorn") that used to also represent the "th" sound, and since it looked kind of like a y, that's why they used it.