Santa's Helper

Yesterday afternoon I went to my first interview in a month of job searching. It was a group experience. There were about twenty five of us, representing quite the range on the spectrum of "dress up-edness"--from a gray Seahawks t-shirt with the sleeves cut off to a few buttondown and slacks combinations (some more successful than others). We stood in a large circle in the mechanics' bay waiting for our screening interviews to be "Driver's Helpers" with UPS. Now, I understand that a driver's helper does exactly that, and, in an age where we have sanitation engineers and the like, I do appreciate the straightforwardness of the job title. But it sounds somewhat silly to me and I think this is because all I can think of when I hear the phrase is "Santa's Helper." That may be the only case in which a job title that includes the word "helper" sounds more sophisticated than what you would normally call the person-- that being "elf." And so every time I say "Driver's Helper" it reminds me of David Sedaris' Santaland Diaries and I entertain the thought that maybe this will be the seasonal employment experience that will launch my career as a humor writer.