Review #2

Fortunately today's blog post has been provided for me, compliments of the fact that I have an employee performance review like every other week. Here's official review #2.

CAPT SPARROW (CELIA)

JULY EVALUATION

TUES 7/17/07 NOON

OVERALL:

Capt Sparrow has a quality tour with energy and humor. She has a comfortable charm and delivers her info with enthusiasm and freshness. Her music technique is smooth and she has added hats and props. The next step, as mentioned before, is a stronger sense of levity and wackiness. This can be done with strongly encouraging passengers to make more noise; sing, clap, cheer at passing Ducks, etc. It’s really the only soft spot in an otherwise strong tour. Progress, however, is being made. Good job.

GOOD STUFF:

Her open speech is energetic, succinct and fun. She sets the tone. Her enthusiasm while talking about POIs is contagious. She had great jokes about Cowgirls, Inc and Seattle’s status as the nation’s leading library card-holders (“yep. We know how to party.”) Excellent music placement. Great Pioneer Square info. She previewed POIs well keeping people’s interest. She has a natural, dry joke delivery. She earned laughs throughout. She’s very likeable.

STUFF TO WORK ON:

Encourage more noise. For example, yelling out Tequila, “cha-ching” for every Starbucks, cheering when passing Ducks, clapping and singing along with more songs, etc. She should add at least three more songs. Recommend on 1^st Ave after Utilikilts to SAM and two or three places on the water where music was lacking. Play Sponge Bob for the kids, plus Love Boat, etc. Lose the unapproved song while approaching water. Remember, the tour is geared for families. Repair or replace the cowboy hat.

ACTION PLAN:

• Make above adjustments right away.
• Pat on the back for improvements thus far.

For all of you wondering, the "unapproved song" was Modest Mouse "Float On," which I love for several reasons. First, Modest Mouse is from Seattle. Second, I play it right before we "float" on the water. Third, it's a quality song unlike, let's say, "Love Shack" or friggin' "Sponge Bob," which is now stuck in my head after just writing it. But according to Dean, "Float On" does not pass the three F test: Family, Familiar, and Fun. And to that I say, I know another word that starts with F . . . yeah. Fuck your F test. But of course I don't say this, because that would decrease my "likeability" score.

And, in conclusion, can I just say, good God, I was pictured on the front page of the Seattle Times wearing a fucking plastic viking hat. I have no shame left. I have reached far beyond what I initially though my "wackiness" potential was, folks. We do not get any wackier unless we have consumed several alcoholic beverages, which would impede the other part of my job-- driving a tank through the narrow hilly streets of downtown Seattle.